If you know the Bible – even a little – you’ll find
this to be hilarious! It comes from a Christian Elementary
The Children were asked questions about the Old and
New Testaments. The following statements about the Bible
were written by the children. They have not been corrected
thus ( the incorrect spelling is their own ). I hope you enjoy
what the children wrote…..
1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of
creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark which
the animals come on to in pears.
3. Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by
4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they
had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.
5. Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by
a Jezebel like Delilah.
6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the
7. Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made
unleavened bread, which is bread without any ingredients.
8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.
Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten
9. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat
10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit
11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then
Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
12. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his
son to stand still and he obeyed him.
13. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He
fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in
14. Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700
15. When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she
sang the Magna Carta.
16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they
found Jesus in the manager.
17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate
18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do
one to others before they do one to you. He also explained,
“a man doth not live by sweat alone.”
20. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and
managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12
22. The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
23. One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also
a taxi man.
24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy
acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called